Tuesday, February 17, 2009

what do you do?

I have never been bored in my life.

Ive had a job since I was 12. My sister and I babysat full time in the summers, and scraped seams off of freshly poured porcelain statues. I worked at the dry cleaners after school. Tried all things extra curricular (was good at none of them). I was a nurses aid after high school, and started college classes that summer. Studied way too much in college, and would work at the nursing home on the weekends I would come home. I worked 2 jobs when I got my RN license, and started doing photography as soon as I quit at the hospital.

Of course babies make you always busy, which I started having young. Callings have generally kept me busy.

Josh says I need a job again. He thinks I need to be around 'people.' The other day I was driving him crazy with the 'what am I going to do with my life?' crap. I started crying "I know I'm blessed, and lucky, and...alive. I'm just so bored." Which, as you know, means that I'm a boring person.

I asked my kids in private today what their mommy does. "Cleans." Is what they all said. I tried to get them to expand "Well, what does mommy like to do?" "I don't know....clean?"

This response does not come from them looking around and seeing a clean house. Its not because they see me scrubbing the toilets or vacuuming all the time.

The only thing I can figure is its the brain washing. When I get mad and yell, "You know what kids, all I do is clean this house. I clean up after you, and then you make a mess right behind me...." Or there's the old, "You can help me for 10 minutes, I clean every waking hour!" Or maybe I try to reason with them, "You know, if you put your stuff away so mommy doesn't have to spend all her time cleaning, she can go do fun stuff with you" etc.

Its not that I don't have things to do. I realize there is a stack of papers to be filed, a closet to be organized, clothes to be ironed, and dishes to be done around the clock. I just don't get fired up about these things for some reason.

I think I have decided against photography for a while. Too much stress, and way too much time spent on the computer.

Nursing is a big option, although Ive been looking for once a week jobs, and there just aren't any. I think if I get serious about this one I could find something.

I really wanted to volunteer at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, I could head up some awareness campaigns, comfort struggling families, teach them about their disease. But they won't even take cancer patients until they are a year out of treatments. Most likely because we are still emotional wrecks? Or they figure half of us will be dead?

I'm thinking about politics. Maybe I can start volunteering for the city to get my foot in the door.

How can I get to Romania to start saving those orphans living in cribs?

Why am I feeling this way? Is it just mid February general blah?


Heather said...

I could very much relate to this post, especially the cleaning part. It is so hard to get motivated knowing that stacks of paper and dishes are going to define the day. I don't have any advice, really but to say the February blahs are real!

Jamie said...

Go for Romania, Alisa! I know that has always been a dream of yours. I remember baking on the roof-top in Mexico and you talking about the little Romanian (and Chinese) girls that you would have someday. Go for it girl!
I have one of those once a week nursing jobs and it is the BEST! Keep pursuing that because one will come along and it you will love it even if it is in a GI lab like me. At least it is one day a week that I get out and have adult conversation (even if it is abt hemorrhoids and poop).
We really should just plan a March get away to the Yucatan - beat the winter doldrums, you know.

Doc said...

I think that being bored means you're NOT a boring person - you need more stimulation and motivation because you're so stinking smart.

This is what my mother tells me when I complain to her on a semi-regular basis about being bored, and I choose to believe her. Maybe we could team up and save the world?

- Brittany

bradnlisa said...

OH, I love you! You have definitely hit the mid-February slump. I just painted my kitchen to look like McDonalds because I"m in the slump. But I do feel there is something bigger for me out there. Not that being a mom and wife isn't pretty dang big--just something MORE I am meant to do here on the earth??? I think you could do anything--and succeed. And do very well.

Mels said...

Don;t worry, you are doing awsome, you are a wonderful mom, this is your cousin Mels. Don;t give up, you would be great at anything you do, i believe you can do it, everyone gets boarded at times. I am so glad you are doing better. I love you
thanks for sharing!

Tiffany said...

I know exactly how you feel (I think) I am VERY easily bored and always have to have something new in my life. Miguel and I just went to a 3 day workshop teaching us how to find our "soul purpose" in life. This is a VERY small part of what I learned. Look at your gifts and talents--what you are good at---what you enjoy--what you would do, even if you weren't getting paid. Now turn that into a business! I can give you more pointers if you want me to. What I learned was AMAZING!

Sonja said...

I'm voting for civic service. Of course, a trip to Paris might help, too.

Karlet said...

I think you should be a wedding planner, Alisa.

alison said...

I've been having a similar train of thought, Alisa. My plan is to be a temple janitor! Here's why: 1. I'm too scared to try anything new like talking to adults or learning a new skill. At least my cleaning skills are current. #2 Hey, it stays clean, so you actually feel like you've done something worthwhile. #3 Heavenly atmosphere. Temple cleaning--it's a thought!

Jill said...

All I can say is I love the comments on this post!

lou said...

I agree with Kari.

Jewel said...

It is healthy to re-evaluate ourselves and our lives from time to time. Maybe something will come to you as you ponder in the streets of Paris!