I have never been bored in my life.
Ive had a job since I was 12. My sister and I babysat full time in the summers, and scraped seams off of freshly poured porcelain statues. I worked at the dry cleaners after school. Tried all things extra curricular (was good at none of them). I was a nurses aid after high school, and started college classes that summer. Studied way too much in college, and would work at the nursing home on the weekends I would come home. I worked 2 jobs when I got my RN license, and started doing photography as soon as I quit at the hospital.
Of course babies make you always busy, which I started having young. Callings have generally kept me busy.
Josh says I need a job again. He thinks I need to be around 'people.' The other day I was driving him crazy with the 'what am I going to do with my life?' crap. I started crying "I know I'm blessed, and lucky, and...alive. I'm just so bored." Which, as you know, means that I'm a boring person.
I asked my kids in private today what their mommy does. "Cleans." Is what they all said. I tried to get them to expand "Well, what does mommy like to do?" "I don't know....clean?"
This response does not come from them looking around and seeing a clean house. Its not because they see me scrubbing the toilets or vacuuming all the time.
The only thing I can figure is its the brain washing. When I get mad and yell, "You know what kids, all I do is clean this house. I clean up after you, and then you make a mess right behind me...." Or there's the old, "You can help me for 10 minutes, I clean every waking hour!" Or maybe I try to reason with them, "You know, if you put your stuff away so mommy doesn't have to spend all her time cleaning, she can go do fun stuff with you" etc.
Its not that I don't have things to do. I realize there is a stack of papers to be filed, a closet to be organized, clothes to be ironed, and dishes to be done around the clock. I just don't get fired up about these things for some reason.
I think I have decided against photography for a while. Too much stress, and way too much time spent on the computer.
Nursing is a big option, although Ive been looking for once a week jobs, and there just aren't any. I think if I get serious about this one I could find something.
I really wanted to volunteer at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, I could head up some awareness campaigns, comfort struggling families, teach them about their disease. But they won't even take cancer patients until they are a year out of treatments. Most likely because we are still emotional wrecks? Or they figure half of us will be dead?
I'm thinking about politics. Maybe I can start volunteering for the city to get my foot in the door.
How can I get to Romania to start saving those orphans living in cribs?
Why am I feeling this way? Is it just mid February general blah?