Life sucks and then you die

Remember that stupid phrase from High School? That's how I'm feeling today. So, those of you in me familia have heard (from mom no doubt) about my depressing news of the day. Just thought I could give you the facts here, so rumors don't run wild, and so we can just talk about normal things when we get together. Then should a question arise about my condition Ill just say 'read the blog'. Wouldn't that be rude! Maybe I should make this a 'journey through cancer site' to give others inspiration when they get the news. Then again, I'm more feeling inspired I'm going to die.
Before you get too upset, let me reassure you its not as bad as it sounds, and I'm sure its better than how mom made it sound. The Dr. did sound pretty alarmed today as he asked me about my second surgery which I had to convince him never happened. "Okay, we biopsied it after the first reports said it looked like melanoma, and then remember we sent it to California to have your DNA unraveled to make sure that's what it was, and in the mean time you went to see Dr. Noise the plastic surgeon who does a lot of these?" "No, Ive never heard that name, and I thought we were just waiting to see what the results were." "Well I would have sent you to a specialist....Anyway, we've got the results and they aren't that great so you really need to get into someone." He 'pulled a thousand strings' to get me into a guy on Tuesday. He said it was 2.5 mm thick (which is 'moderate' risky melanoma) so they need to test my lymph nodes to see if it had spread and maybe take more out of my leg. The day just got worse when I figured out which kind of melanoma it was. It was on a mole, and I thought it was just a wart because it grew so fast and was round just like a wart, bumpy, and the same color as the mole, but a little pinker I guess. I got it taken off just because the kids would scrape it and it would bleed. It didn't have any of the symptoms of of the normal skin cancer. But when I read the symptoms of this nodular kind it fits perfect (they even describe it as cauliflower growth which is exactly what it looked like). So here's a little about it:

"Nodular melanoma (NM) represents 15% to 20% of cases. It arises very rapidly, is the most aggressive type of melanoma, and is the second most common type. Unlike superficial spreading melanoma, which tends to spread outward, nodular melanoma grows rapidly upward and inward. NM usually develops in unblemished skin rather than in a nevus. It is often in a fully invasive stage of growth when it is diagnosed.

NM has a typical skin cancer pattern. It is most common in light-skinned people and usually affects areas of skin that are frequently exposed to the sun (e.g., arms, legs, head, neck, and scalp). NM usually develops in middle-age.

NM characteristically appears as a uniformly black-colored nodule (small, knot like bump), although the nodule also may be brown, blue, gray, tan, or even red. It feels very round, and the borders are smooth and regular. These lesions often are mistaken for blood vessel abnormalities because of their berry color and texture."

Anyway, I haven't really been nervous up until today. Worst case, I still fit into my wedding dress for the burial. And if any of you are worried about me, let me set your mind at ease as Josh is asking me every five minutes how I'm doing, can he do anything? Its cute and annoying.
I'm sure this will pass and we can get rid of it all. The chance of things not going well makes thinking about my boys unbearable.
Happier posts to come!