This week has brought me my first episode of 'survivors guilt'.
I have been following Linda's blog since I was diagnosed. She is a 35 year old mother. Her mole was on her knee, kept getting bumped and bleeding. The timetable of diagnosis and surgeries were almost identical to mine. She had 5 lymph nodes involved, where I had 3. She did interferon, and developed lymphedema in her leg. She rode the same emotional roller coaster Ive been begging to get off of. So many similarities.
But her cancer came back. And last week it took her life.
I try to understand this.
I watched a documentary on WWII veterans, and one was a leader of my church, Boyd K. Packer, who talked about how soldiers all around were dying, and soldiers right next to them living. He thought there was a certain amount of 'randomness' when it came to who survived.
I know I have been so lucky so far. I know Lindas journey could have just as easily been mine.
It humbles me. It saddens me. It reminds me. It inspires me. It creeps me out.