Tuesday, March 17, 2009

luck

This week has brought me my first episode of 'survivors guilt'.

I have been following Linda's blog since I was diagnosed. She is a 35 year old mother. Her mole was on her knee, kept getting bumped and bleeding. The timetable of diagnosis and surgeries were almost identical to mine. She had 5 lymph nodes involved, where I had 3. She did interferon, and developed lymphedema in her leg. She rode the same emotional roller coaster Ive been begging to get off of. So many similarities.

But her cancer came back. And last week it took her life.

I try to understand this.

I watched a documentary on WWII veterans, and one was a leader of my church, Boyd K. Packer, who talked about how soldiers all around were dying, and soldiers right next to them living. He thought there was a certain amount of 'randomness' when it came to who survived.

I know I have been so lucky so far. I know Lindas journey could have just as easily been mine.

It humbles me. It saddens me. It reminds me. It inspires me. It creeps me out.

10 comments:

Dawn said...

I plauge myself with the "why this and not that" questions...I have yet to get a good answer.

AnneMarie said...

I'm sad to hear about Linda, and very happy that your journey is different.

kathyurry said...

You are blest in so many way and I am glad your still around as well as your family. I watch you and you keep all of us going you are a strong lady and a wounderfull wife & Mom don't look down nor back just go forward and keep praying to the Lord to help you so you never get this again.
We all Love you Alisa
Love The Urrys

Chapman Family said...

There is a reason you are still here... Your mission is not fulfilled. And how great a lady that Linda was to be an inspiration to you. And you inspire me!

Brooke said...

So sad. I only hope it all makes sense someday. This helps me to cherish what I have here and now. Thanks for another thought-provoking post.

MichelleChud said...

How sad. I don't doubt you've run through her path as it could have been yours, but you're right. Lucky for you, you've got more time. I'm glad you made it through!

ronco said...

I still think survivor ward choir was one of your best ideas ever, Alisa. Could someone do that if their ever their choir director?

ronco said...

I can't believe I misspelled they're. My (weak) defense is that the other spelling was coming up two words later and also that Ezra had kept us up most of last night.

Mels said...

Alisa,
I am sorry to hear about Linda. I am glad you are still here too, you are a great example,so strong.love you

Sonja said...

Jon, I laughed when I read your misspelling (I know I have no room to laugh). I honestly thought you were doing it on purpose to be funny.