Sunday, June 22, 2008

side effects.

So, I found this chart in all of my cancer drug material I went through to find out what the heck is wrong with me lately. The chart is over one year, and I am at 7 months. No wonder I'm going crazy. (Note the pink and dark orange lines).

I think Ive hit the peak of the side effects. I better be or I don't know if I can make it to November.

Im having major anxiety problems, and feeling so hopeless. It also seems like the fatigue is getting worse every day.

Maybe its the fact that Ive gotten my house on the market in one weekend, and am keeping it semi-clean daily (VERY hard for me). Or the fact that I was cooking at girls camp for a week, with very little sleep (by my current standards). Could be that my leg is swollen something awful in the heat. It may have something to do with no one putting an offer on our house (although josh says it will happen this week).

Its most likely this stupid (but cute) puppy thats been peeing on my floor.

Ginger. You bet I got a twinkle in my eye when I thought maybe there was another curse word I could use around the house without really swearing
Our marriage has lasted 8 years, 3 kids, 3 moves, building a house, cancer, cancer treatments, but I dont know if it can survive this puppy.

I would use the line 'either the puppy goes or I go,' but I'm pretty sure he would pack my bags.


mamabear said...

Girls camp is hard enough being healthy. Hang in there. When I get back from Boston, I would be glad to babysit the dog until she quits peeing on the floor.

M & M Brenchley family said...

That is seriously the cutest puppy I have ever seen, but puppy's can make you crazy! I'm so sorry you are feeling terrible. Depression and anxiety can be so overwhelming, especially when they are added upon the cancer. I am praying for you! When you hit the worst, at least you know it can only get better.

Chapman Family said...

I love how they put "individual results MAY vary" just in case that you all of a sudden grow an appendage or something. But doesn't that give you "some" comfort? Like Bennadryl where in some kids it makes them crazy hyper and some kids get knocked out. Little do we know, you will have the urge to go climb a mountain in Hungary or something. :) I want to say "dumb medicine" but then again I also want to say "hurray for this medicine!" For you I guess it depends on the day.

Heidi Berry said...

I can definitely sympathize with the puppy thing. We got one two months ago (looks like yours, but has black fur), and I still come to the conclusion at least twice a week that I can't do it anymore. I tease Phil that I have the ad already on KSL. But somehow, this puppy is still around. It has gotten better, I will tell you that. And I am banking on the fact that it will continue to get better! :) I know it will be the same for you!

Whatsatoomzaletson said...

Cutest dog ever, she rivals Jill's! Send your kids up here sometime.

Sonja said...

It's a good thing that camp is over, and I hope the dog gets a little easier as she grows up. those are such cute pictures!

By the way, can you babysit my kids this week? :)

Tiffany said...

I don't want to come across like I am just all smiles all of the time, because I am not. But a friend of mine who has stomache cancer sent me this quote a couple of days ago.

I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains ~ Anne Frank

Hang in there, and I pray you will get your home. I LOVE wood floors and old homes!

jennie said...

Oh my gosh... that puppy is dang cute, and your pictures are amazing. I especially love the undies one. Peter took a stab at taking some pictures of Anchor for me over the weekend. He did a good job, but he's the first to admit he's no Alisa. Check 'em out on my blog and offer any pointers you can think of.

Ok, so I'm so glad you are back from camp, I had forgotten you were going, so sorry for all the stalking. I was just worried about you. I still can't believe you a: went to camp and b: were the cook! You deserve a good sport award. When asked if I'm going to camp or youth conference, I have to restrain my tongue from saying "**** no."

Secondly, I'm sad that your symptoms have been so severe, and hope that you have reached the peak already and will start to feel better. What sounds good? Do you want to go out? Do you want me to bring you a yummy treat? Do you want to watch a chick flick? I'm up for any of the above.

Thirdly, I know you are going to sell that house. I just know it. Still praying for your house. The yard looks AMAZING. xoxo

MichelleChud said...

That is a cute puppy. I hear ya on the house issues. Very frustrating, but it'll happen. Good thing Josh is so positive!

Mary said...

I'm experiencing depression/anxiety just by reading this post!!! Hang in there.

Dawn said...

Alisa-I can't say that I understand any of what you are going through as far as your cancer is concerned, but I can understand your anxiety, stress, depression, fatigue and I have to say I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of swollen legs, cancer, girls camp, selling houses, and puppies. Luv ya!

ronco said...

There's no time scale on that graph. Are you sure it's one year, or is this the first few months and it's the only time things change?
Ginger is very cute and we need to come and see her sometime.
I hope you get feeling better and I also hope things go well with your house.

Kathy Urry said...

I understand your the best cook. The girls all were glad you were there they all Love you tones and wish you were still in Y.W. I know that would be hard for you but only the Lord knowes what you can and can not handle so hang in there girl friend the best is yet to come. Girls camp would be easy compare to geting a boy ready and out the door for a mission but not only for one week but for two years and not only one boy but now the 2 and yea we hope a girls in a about 4 years so I have a long time to get her ready. This week is a lot of crying & Joy but I will check back with you next week after I stop crying.

I wish you the best in selling your home (No this does not mean I want you to Move) But what ever the Lord wants for you and your wounderfull Family

I understand your dog is the best and good with kids that is what you need when you have a cuite dog like yours
Love ya

Karlet said...

You know, you DO have a sister living in Sandy who isn't in school anymore and would love to come help you out whenever you need it as long as she has a way to get there. I'm dead serious. And Steven says to tell you he'd come with me.

Tera said...

Puppies--we will never have another one! I tell Kevin we will only get dogs that are 3+ years from now on. Milly is 2 and still very much a puppy. Hang in there. I may not know all you are going through, but I think I have some idea how it feels to be the person on the outside trying to "make it all better."

Jewel said...

Well, you haven't lost your photography skills. That first shot of Ginger looks like a poster. She is as perfect as a little stuffed animal (in the picture I mean!)