Well, Thursday I got the clearance I needed from the surgeon to go ahead with treatments. Friday I spent the afternoon trying to get into the oncologist before Thanksgiving so I could start ASAP. So far I'm out of luck. If nothing turns up I will see him on the 26th and I will beg to start that day (I'm sure they wont let me).
I just feel like this cancer has had too much time. It has to be stopped.
The Dr. also mentioned that there are two treatments I may qualify for. Interferon is the one I'm prepared for, the other is biochemotherapy. Its basically chemo plus immunotherapy (like interferon). They are doing a study at the Hunstsman (where I will be treated) to see if it works better than interferon alone. I wonder what the Dr. will recommend?
In the meantime I pretend to have a normal life. But it isn't because everything is changed. Maybe for the better, but its hard to see that side of it sometimes.
The lesson in Young Womens today was on how we spend our time. Time means so much to me now. Its not like money that can be bought and saved. Its a gift that has to be spent every second. It will all have to be accounted for. Where do we splurge?
I don't want to spend any of my precious time on anger, judgment, or envy. I don't want to spend it on keeping up with the Jones'. I don't want to spend too much of it in front of the TV. I don't want to spend it worrying. I don't want to spend it yelling at my kids. I don't want to spend it alone.
One of my favorite movie moments from Mary Poppins: The stressed out banker father working overtime trying to please his superiors and get rich while his children see him for breakfast and before bedtime. The happy chimney sweep who sees time differently sings to the father...
You've got to grind, grind, grind
At that grindstone
Though child'ood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give
Thanks to cancer I meet James at the bus stop for three extra minutes to hold his hand. And when my hourglass is up, I cant imagine regretting it.