Sunday, November 18, 2007

tick tock

Well, Thursday I got the clearance I needed from the surgeon to go ahead with treatments. Friday I spent the afternoon trying to get into the oncologist before Thanksgiving so I could start ASAP. So far I'm out of luck. If nothing turns up I will see him on the 26th and I will beg to start that day (I'm sure they wont let me).

I just feel like this cancer has had too much time. It has to be stopped.

The Dr. also mentioned that there are two treatments I may qualify for. Interferon is the one I'm prepared for, the other is biochemotherapy. Its basically chemo plus immunotherapy (like interferon). They are doing a study at the Hunstsman (where I will be treated) to see if it works better than interferon alone. I wonder what the Dr. will recommend?

In the meantime I pretend to have a normal life. But it isn't because everything is changed. Maybe for the better, but its hard to see that side of it sometimes.

The lesson in Young Womens today was on how we spend our time. Time means so much to me now. Its not like money that can be bought and saved. Its a gift that has to be spent every second. It will all have to be accounted for. Where do we splurge?

I don't want to spend any of my precious time on anger, judgment, or envy. I don't want to spend it on keeping up with the Jones'. I don't want to spend too much of it in front of the TV. I don't want to spend it worrying. I don't want to spend it yelling at my kids. I don't want to spend it alone.

One of my favorite movie moments from Mary Poppins: The stressed out banker father working overtime trying to please his superiors and get rich while his children see him for breakfast and before bedtime. The happy chimney sweep who sees time differently sings to the father...

You've got to grind, grind, grind
At that grindstone
Though child'ood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give

Thanks to cancer I meet James at the bus stop for three extra minutes to hold his hand. And when my hourglass is up, I cant imagine regretting it.

11 comments:

Rod and Kandace said...

Today when we were singing "Count Your Blessings" in church, I looked back and you wondering what your were thinking. I am sure this will be a Thanksgiving like no other you have had. We hope you get into see the doc sooner than expected and that they will get crackin on your treatments!

Kathy Urry said...

Yes I also hope you can get into the Dr this week and I pray the Cancer is gone and will stay gone forever. I know I think back to when all my kids were hoem together and now to think for the next 3 Thanksgiving they will be in different ways Daniel is in Mexico and in June Jesse will go on his Mission so it will be hard to think for 4 year we are not togehter. But I know they are and will be where the Lord wants them to be.
You do so much with your kids and I think back to when my kids were this small and I wish I were like you but I was not and still not that strong.
But some people are so stong and then they get hit with things and you wounder why the Lord gaves them all the hard things in life. The ones that are so strong in the gospel and all so strong with there family and other things.
I Love you and so glad to get to know you a little more I wish I could serve you and help you more than I am you are the best and so strong.
We love you lots
The Urry's

Lisa Mc said...

Each time I read your blog, I reflect on my life and how precious time really is. It makes me want to hold Porter more, sing to him, play, and never let him go. Thank you for helping me appreciate my life even more. We love you!!!

lou said...

Bert is my boyfriend. You're lucky you can spend time how you want to.

ronco said...

I probably won't graduate as fast as I could, but I'd rather be able to spend more time with Bryanna and Seth. Thanks for giving me a bit more courage to...well...work less.

Karlet said...

I think you've always spent your time so wisely, Alisa!

Kimberlee said...

I'm not always so good with the time I have with my kids and Brock. Thanks for the reminder Alisa...I needed it more than you know!

Jamie Smith said...

I sure hope the doctors can fit you in sooner than the 26th! I would be a mental case, hopefully they'd throw me in the hospital at at which point I'd say "well.. since I'm here" :)
I love your prospective on life. This blog has really opened my eyes to a lot of life that I am neglecting, missing out on. Thank you for sharing yourself and experience so openly. You are so strong and such an inspiration, thank you!
You and your family will continue to be in our prayers. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

steveandlaura said...

I love this blog! This one will go down as my favorite. How I wish we could all know that and all realize that there needs to be more love and patience in the world. You're awesome and we still are praying for you.

jennie said...

You inspire me girlfriend. I looked for your shirt at Disneyland... no luck. More later.
xoxo

Eric & Emily said...

aunt Kathy,
Alisa, I love all your posts on this blog. They make me cry and think and give me a desire to feel more and do more with my life. I love you. When can I come down and help. I would so love to do something for you.
Kathy