Sunday, February 3, 2008

me. right now.

Josh just took this. I'm slightly embarrassed about every single thing in this picture: the baby blue frumpy robe, the seventies-looking tissue box, the sharps container, the Mary Kay moisturizer, the extremely large cat I'm holding (meet Winston, who has gained a lot of weight over this cancer thing), the lego rocket ship Sam made me (and though Im proud to have it, it should have been put away a long time ago), the get well card, the stack of unread Martha Stewart magazines, the glass of water with a straw inserted. Could I be any more nursing-home-patientish?

I'm actually feeling pretty good today as my Dr. suggested I give myself a week or two break from the nasty drug and let my antidepressant get in my system. She said my sad feelings were defiantly a side effect of the drug. It does things to your brain. I think its also because its February. And my leg is swollen (which Ive already discussed). And I have a 50% chance of dying in the next few years.

But dang it I'm feeling so normal today its going to be hard to put that stuff in my body again. Its giving me hope that when this year is over Ill get back to my normal pace.


Kelly said...

I think you look really pretty. Missed you last week.

Sherrie said...

Alisa you are a brave woman! I wish I had some great inpirational message to pass on to you guys. Cancer sucks! You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Sherrie Burton(Wallace)

MichelleChud said...

I hear ya on the February thing. Who can't be depressed after this long horrible Jan?! Glad to see you're not forgetting us people who check your blog everyday to see what's going on. Keep going strong!

Jill said...

Yes, lets those antidepressents get into your system. They work wonders for your mood and your perspective. Although you will still mourn the loss of matching legs (and rightly so) you might not feel so much like you'd rather be dead than live with the mismatch. That's what antidepressents will do for you. They will help you chose life over death even though life is difficult. In my opinion, considering what you going through daily, during mid winter, you're doing a fabulous job of surviving. I'm happy to see you posting again and getting those "oh so honest and true" feelings out into the void. I love you Alisa. Call if you need anything. I'm so close. Maybe we could paint another room a bright cheerful color.
Jill Dickey

Mary said...

You're gorgeous, Alisa. So sorry you have to go through all of this. You really are a trooper. When can I come visit? Thinking of you always! Love you!

All about the Benjamin's said...

I love the picture: Your sure cute!! I also laughed at the cartoon, isn't that so true w/something so serious. you look great. I want Josh to know I have been thinking alot about him and his parent's and siblings in the passing of Uncle Bob, I remember growing up across the street and for so many years thought that Bob was our uncle too. What a great guy. I hope all continues to go well for you, we think of you often.

Sonja said...

Frankly, if Rob took a candid shot of me in bed it would be even more embarassing and rest home patientesc (with the exception of the sharps disposal container). I'm glad you get a little break from the Interferon.

wendipooh13 said...

ok, for finding a ton of things wrong with the photo, I just see a beautiful picture of you taken by a loving husband!!!
Please let us know if there's anything we can do, Austin would love to have James over and has been begging for him to come and play...

Karlet said...

You really do look gorgeous, Alisa!

Kathy said...

Hi Alisa, You are so right that depression is a side effect of the medications. If you can believe Scott dealt, is still dealing with it, and it was a real ordeal for him to admit it and start taking the medication. The Drs. in Boston told him it was a very real side effect. Now he realizes it, and the antidepressants help tremendously. Hang in there and give them a chance to get in your system, like your dr. suggested. Then you will be ready to fight the world again,...well almost. It might not seem like it, but we all think you are doing an amazing job. Hang in there (Bet you have heard that enough to make you want to throw up) We love you. Kathy

rachel said...

Alisa, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Lindsay said...

I had to BLOW that picture up to see that amazing night-stand collection of yours and all I could see was a GORGEOUS girl! You are beautiful! I think about you EVERYday.

The Brown Family said...

You look absolutely beautiful in that picture. Stunning in fact! I am happy to hear that you are getting a break from it all for a bit. Take care of yourself.


bradnlisa said...

I think to qualify for nursing-homeish you would need some type of jell-o, preferably molded into squares, some COLD chicken broth, a humidifier, extra blankets, depends, etc. etc. You look fabulous and you always will! Glad to 'see' you again!! Love ya--Lisa

Tiffany said...

Alisa, I don't know if this will help, but my doctor "prescribed" it to me, to help me mentally. Liquid cod liver oil, she was extremely specific about the kind. Nordic Naturals (they have orange, lemon and peach flavor, lemon is my favorite) Not only will it help your pysche, but it will boost your immune system as well. You can find this at Good Earth and probably any other health food store.
I also found this article that I want to share with you. It is about grape seed extract. This might help the leg. I am just sending you the "conclusion" because the article is really long. If you want the whole thing, just email me. (
Oligomeric proanthocyanidin complexes from grape seeds are primarily known for their free radical scavenging and antioxidant activity. However, these compounds have also been reported to demonstrate antibacterial, antiviral, anticarcinogenic, anti-inflammatory, anti-allergic and vasodilatory actions.
In addition, OPCs have been reported to inhibit lipid peroxidation, platelet aggregation, capillary permeability and fragility, and to affect enzyme systems including phospholipase A2, cyclooxygenase, and lipoxygenase.
These varied biological activities have resulted in the phytopharmaceutical application of OPCs in reduction of edema, increased peripheral circulation, improvement in vision, treatment of diabetic retinopathy, prevention of cardiovascular disease, treatment of high cholesterol, stabilization of connective tissue tone, reduced adverse allergic and inflammatory responses, and enhanced immune function and wound healing.

I thought this might help with the circulation?
you are loved by so many people, don't forget that.
love, tiffany

Jewel said...

Hey Alisa,
I'm glad that Winston is with you all the way.

momila said...

You loook beautiful, as always. So glad you are on antidepressants. Brent chose not to start them until he was well and truly down..and he now tells people to start at the start of TX! Guess he thought he could just "man-up" but this drug is too strong and sucks the life out of you. Doesn't help that we've had one miserable winter, IMHO. I am SO ready for Spring.
And your nightstand looks a lot like Brent's, minus the sharps container. That is on a high shelf. I lay in bed and look at it, and it just occured to me that I hate looking at it and I am going to move it.
Enjoy your respite from the Interferon...sure wish we could get a week off...and I guess we will, in November!!
Always in our prayers--Buffy

jennie said...

I love the baby blue robe... I have one too and I'm much frumpier than you. It was so fun to see you on skates the other day.

If you were a nursing home patient, you'd be taking your pills crushed up in apple sauce or vanilla pudding, and you would have Kleenex tucked up your sleeve.

IAmTheWalrus said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I know I had a hard time deciding to start AD drugs, but I am glad I did. It has made a lot of difference. Hang in there. I think you will find the lower dose easier to tolerate.

As far as the picture goes, you always look beautiful!

M & M Brenchley family said...

I just ran into your blog through surfing around friends blogs. Do you remember your childhood friend Mandy? It's been years! I was so excited to be able to catch up on you, and now I have been reading and crying for 3 hours. I had no idea you have been through so much. I smiled when I saw your cat on you- reminds me of our happy days together. What an inspiring person you are! I can't imagine having the strength you have had. I would love to see you, talk to you, or just an e-mail would be wonderful. Thanks for inspiring me. If you feel well enough, drop me an email to
Take care,
Mandy Brenchley (Shelton)