Its been such a great week. I'm glad I'm getting this small break from treatments to remind me Im going to be back to a good pace after the next nine months of therapy. I have been waking up early, showering, taking the kids to the park, swimming, going on walks, trips to the dinosaur museum, cleaning my house, organizing closets, cooking dinner, shopping (and enjoying it!). I have also put on the 7 lbs I lost. My appetite has been great! I even took in my moms dog this week. That means Ive got to be somewhat stable, right?
There was an incident on Thursday that had me wondering. I had an appointment at a lymhedema clinic to get a massage and pick their brains about if it could be spreading to my left arm (you heard it, my arm is slightly swollen at the end of the day now. I keep telling myself its impossible, but who knows?). I get there 10 minutes early (10:50). I walk in behind a lady whos legs are huge, swollen, and infected. The waiting room is full of elderly like her, but in wheel chairs. I feel so bad for them, and so mad at myself for complaining about my very mild case.
The lady who walked in front of me says to the receptionist, 'here for my lymphedema appointment' and sat down. I was up next but couldn't get the word lymphedema out of my lips, so I just said "my name is Alisa Linton." She looked at me, disapprovingly, over her reading glasses a little and said, "Im sorry, your appointment was at 10. We cant get you in now." I felt so stupid. I was sure it was at 11. I got up and out of the house by 10, had a babysitter, drove all the way to Provo. I just stood there trying to say something but instead I just cried. Like a baby. In front of everyone.
I walked back through the snow to my van, got in and had myself a good pitty party. And then Mitt Romney dropped out of the race. Made for more tears. I was so confused at my emotions. Ive always liked a good roller coaster, but this is ridiculous. As I drove to get myself a big fat cinnamon roll to cheer me up I passed the rehab in Provo I think famous for hosting the likes of Brittany and Lindsey. I seriously almost checked myself in.
Of course I was fine by the time I got home.
Which led me to try and find out if this behavior is 'normal.' Ive never had someone close to me go through this. So I gave in and read a few melanoma and other cancer blogs. I was very glad to know they all go through emotional times no matter how positive/faithful/strong they are/were (most of them died).
I will say that they get to do two things I cant because they are against my religion. Swear and drink. I'm a little jealous!