fine!

Today I had one major goal. Talk with the librarian about my crazy fines and try to get them waived.

My sister says library fines directly correlate with how much stress your feeling.

Lets just say its been a stressful year. I also was never good at getting things back on time in the first place, then you add my brain fog. Its bad. I have paid at least $40 every time I go.

Last time I waited in line filling pretty sick (from the drugs and the unknown number). But when she told me $80 I stared at her in disbelief. I debated for a minute whether or not to tell her my perfectly good reasons for bringing my movies back so late. The line behind me was long, and I started to get chocked up at the thought of my story.

Tears were falling down my cheeks. I knew I wouldn't have a voice.

I slowly reached in my purse and pulled out four $20 bills. I wiped my nose with my hoodie sleeve as I handed her the money.

"Thanks. Have a good day." She said with no emotion.

What?! She looked me strait in the eye while my lips were quivering and mascara running down my face! Did she seriously just take that money without so much as look of sympathy?

I remember a time, probably in the 80s, but definitely before all this seat belt craze, that my mom was pulled over for speeding (very unlike my mom) on the long way home from grandmas house. She totally bawled and got off with just a warning.

I should have chosen the man librarian.

Well, he wasn't there today.

But I had every intention of pulling the cancer card out with my library card. So I pick the librarian with the uniform, short hair. Could be a recent cancer surviver? We may have something major in common and this conversation may end up in an eternal friendship, or at the very least a warm hug. Or is just that she looks dang cute with short hair?

There is no one in line, so I step up to the plate. I start out in this once upon a time fashion that I feel like a librarian is sure to identify with. As I get deeper and deeper into the story she is looking more and more bored. She stops me short with "okay, whats your name."

Oh no, I thought, this is not going well.

"Linton. L-I-N-T-O-N. Alisa A-L-I-S-A."

"Do you have your library card with you?"

I lit up, "Oh, of course." I whipped out (from my official organized-person-looking Lehi Library bag) the card I had had replaced last time I was at the library (another $5).

She scans it in and spends some time looking over the report. "yes, you do have $42 in fines....some movies.....books........"

"Well I have turned them all back in good condition. I take good care of them, its just that I'm SO irresponsible right now...."

At this her eyes shoot up and she gives me a stern look. She said something to the effect of 'thats exactly why we don't know if you should be checking out our materials..' kind of thing and I got panicky.

I started to kind of try to laugh it off, "Oh, its just chemo brain you know. Once I'm off this medicine Ill be back every week, you watch...."

Now I could tell she was questioning the validity of my statements.

Well as luck would have it, my neighbors little kids were walking by just at that moment. I looked around for Julia (little did I know she had her baby while I was at girls camp) and found someone who looked very similar herding the kids.

"Hi! You must be Julia's mom!"

"Oh, yes. And your name is.."

"Alisa."

I waited for maybe that to ring a bell and for her to tell me how she remembers Julia's friend with cancer and how she's so sorry.

Nothing. Of course shes never heard of me.

I say very loudly anyway "I'm her friend with CANCER."

"Oh, I'll tell her you said hi." She smiled politely and walked away.

By now there is a long line behind me and I'm getting very uncomfortable. I'm totally acting like this is all a lie.

In an awkward voice I continue "Don't you have like a program that other libraries are doing where if you read like an hour in the library you get $8 off your fine or something?"

Now shes really looking at me strange. This even makes her laugh. "No."

I talk faster..."Well, its not really the money I mind paying, its the principle of the thing you know. I pay $15 for an overdue DVD, well I might as well have gone to barnes and nobles and kept it. I could get the books new there, at least, without having to worry about bringing them back anywhere....I mean, Ive paid like $200 of fines here this year alone! Its just so hard......"

She consults the computer again "That's true.....You have returned them all......." (but I could tell she was thinking, but your act and your story is ridiculous).

She decides to cut my fine in half.

I leave with my head down hoping no one in that line is reading my blog and realizing how pathetic and lame I really am.

I came home and turned the ringer off my phone.

The phone has been lost ever since.

If you need to reach me, follow my library fine trail.