I feel so spoiled today. My aunt Janice and her daughter Jill brought me lunch and gave my front room a much needed make-over. I'll post pics soon. Its so cute! My mother in law brought back all my ironing. Aunt Denise brought me dinner. Its been heaven. Like if someone would ask you what you wanted to do today-you could pretty much answer this. And yet.....
As I watched aunt Janice pull up all my annuals, I thought how weird it is to be dependent again. At 18 you cant wait to pack all you have in your families ugly van to be dropped off and live on your own. If fulfills all your expectations. You get used to it. You love it. And then...you get cancer. I have wanted to pull those flowers out this whole week, but I cant bend. So many things that defined my life I cant do.
An Oprah thought I always loved (but never really understood) is that sometimes you have to learn to love the 'new normal.' Dependence is going to have to be a part of my normal days maybe for the next year. (Oh, its Drug awareness week in James school and his eyes just bulge whenever I talk about the drugs I'm going to be starting)
The weather has been absolutely beautiful this week. Like a second summer. The boys have spent their afternoons hunting bugs to feed the lizard our neighbor is keeping in a jar. Yesterday they found a lizard corpse "with its eyes popped out" in the window well. I watched James and Dallin from my hammock as they picked the last of my flowers and knelt down beside the gravel grave they had dug. They looked so tough in their camo and fohawks (it was crazy hair day at school) but they bowed their heads and looked very (appropriately) glum over the death.
Tonight in the moonlight I saw the brick gravestone, and the meticulously placed colorful bouquets sticking out from all sides. I love little boys!
I just went to get a picture of said grave and noticed there was an inscription. Four hearts around the name 'Baby' and then the names of the boys.