As I watched aunt Janice pull up all my annuals, I thought how weird it is to be dependent again. At 18 you cant wait to pack all you have in your families ugly van to be dropped off and live on your own. If fulfills all your expectations. You get used to it. You love it. And then...you get cancer. I have wanted to pull those flowers out this whole week, but I cant bend. So many things that defined my life I cant do.
An Oprah thought I always loved (but never really understood) is that sometimes you have to learn to love the 'new normal.' Dependence is going to have to be a part of my normal days maybe for the next year. (Oh, its Drug awareness week in James school and his eyes just bulge whenever I talk about the drugs I'm going to be starting)
The weather has been absolutely beautiful this week. Like a second summer. The boys have spent their afternoons hunting bugs to feed the lizard our neighbor is keeping in a jar. Yesterday they found a lizard corpse "with its eyes popped out" in the window well. I watched James and Dallin from my hammock as they picked the last of my flowers and knelt down beside the gravel grave they had dug. They looked so tough in their camo and fohawks (it was crazy hair day at school) but they bowed their heads and looked very (appropriately) glum over the death.
Tonight in the moonlight I saw the brick gravestone, and the meticulously placed colorful bouquets sticking out from all sides. I love little boys!
I just went to get a picture of said grave and noticed there was an inscription. Four hearts around the name 'Baby' and then the names of the boys.
7 comments:
You don't know how many graves I have dug for little unknown animals. Baby birds, mice, grown-up birds (usually the victims of Kitty), even a butterfly or dragonfly. I'm sorry about the lizard. It's a shame that I didn't have the opportunity to bury Romeo and Juliet... since they weren't only killed, but eaten.
Thanks for sharing the things you're learning in all this Alisa. I loved the blog about the live lizard, and this new one, too. Thanks for the little photo, oh, and I really want to see what Janice and Jill did for your room!
I can't even imagine losing my independence, Alisa. You've always been more headstrong than I was (or anyone in the family, I guess), so it's got to be rough on you. Thanks for writing all of this here--it might sound cliche since every person says it, but I still mean it.
Your boys are so sweet and always doing what little boys like to do. They have a wounderful Mom who has showed them the way. It sounds like you are geting stronger that is good. I am so glad to think you are leting people still help you out. This is will done for a long time not just a few weeks.
Today is Regina 16th Birthday and the Primary Progam in Church I know 2 of your boys will be part of the Progam and we will be watching and know that there Parents have helped them get ready for this and how sweet they will be.
They have the best Parents in the world.
I Love all your photo you put on your blog it helps all of us look and see things we would only be able to see in the eyes of a parent .
You are so strong not only with your health but in the gospel you are some one to look up to all the time.
I pray that you will get healthy and stong soon.
We Love you
The Urry's
i am not sure gravel is a proper burial location, but i guess it should work for a lizard.
Alisa-
I loved the little story about "Baby", what sweet little boys they are. I saw this obituary- not to freak you out; I thought the website was neat that this gentleman's wife has done in honor of her young husband with melonoma. The website is www.brycedbrown.com
I really enjoyed going to it and reading the information. It makes us all realize the importance of life. I hope today was a good day for you, I really enjoy your blogs.
love,
Shalise
Alisa thank you for your blog and your story about the lizard is adorable. It made me think of the lady of challott.
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