Its been a rough few days of waiting. I'm trying to be a patient patient, but its eating at my happiness. I keep calling the office, and if I cant get any answers tomorrow I'm going to sick my husband on them.
I just need to know when I can get this surgery out of the way and start getting sick in order to get better. Is this normal to hate waiting?
Its not like I'm choosing the best material to pull myself out of depression. Note to self: do not watch 'finding neverland' (one of my favorite shows) when you are a mother of all boys, dying, have a boy 6 who doesn't want to deal with it, and your in love with Jonny Depp. This makes for a ridiculous cry. Avoid also books ending in death with said 6 year old. We finished Bridge to Terebithia (which we started before cancer was in his vocabulary) I thought it was beautiful. James had no comment.
Conference didn't help me keep mind off it (although it helped in other ways). I thought they were paying particular attention to death. Was it just me?
I hope you heard the comment about 'cancer, the disease of love." I was like (in a Bryan Reagan sort of way) "Oh, so thats what I have." But seriously I have already learned that truth.
I hope my ward, family, and friends felt very validated as they heard all the talks on service. I just don't know what to say to everyone, except you have lifted this burden more than you will ever know.
I will always love you for it.
13 comments:
Alisa and Josh,
Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. You are truly remarkable. I am being inpatient just wanting to read you next blog.. (We hope you don't mind us intruding.) This subject sits very close to our hearts as you know. We are cheering for you. We think about you often, and pray for you lots. We would like the opportunity to serve. Please let us know what we can do to help. You have a great family and lots of love and support . Thanks again for being such kindred spirits. Please know our love for you runs very deep and our faith even deeper.
Your friends, The Maxfields
BTW- When we just went though our battle. One of the hardest things to do was ask for help. We did not want to burden anyone and I know that sometimes it is hard to ask for help. Please know we are willing and would love the opportunity.
Alisa - That's statement stood out to me too. One of my good friend's sister passed away a few days ago of cancer, but her and her family have been filled with & buoyed up with love. I thought of you to, and how much I love you!!! (even before cancer!)
Alisa - At the end of the movie, Pollyanna, many people come to her house to wish her well after she becomes paralyzed. The amount of people that came was overwhelming to her. I think of you as Pollyanna - you have touched more lives than you will ever know. Thanks for being the kind of person that you are. I have loved living by you. You as such a great example to me. We continue to pray for you since that is about all we can do at this point. I will continue to ask if I can help in any way. You are such a beautiful person inside and out!
I'm really glad you mentioned your love for Johnny Depp, as you know that I love him too. But mostly I feel like your post was beautiful and heartfelt.
I noticed all the conference talks too, and was thinking of you constantly. I loved that they called cancer the disease of love. I feel like it's totally true.
I think you are the bomb and would love to help take your mind of things... let me know if you want to go do something. xoxo
I love you Alisa. I'm sorry that the only thing that I am doing (or better put: the only thing that I can do) is make birds out of paper. Talk about helpful.
Since it seems like you're in the mood for media sprinkled with death and (symphony of) destruction, could I recommend my favorite movie, Shadowlands?
A couple years ago, we watched Finding Neverland with the Mickelsons. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom when it was over because I was dripping snot everywhere due to excessive blubbering.
ALisa & Josh,
We, too, know the stress of waiting...trust me, as we waited for Brent's transplant (9 long months) then waited for his recovery, and now we wait for the cure for the disease that made him sick in the 1st place....you truly have to learn to lean back into the arms of our Hevanely Father and let Him do what you can't...which is...everything. Watch funny movies, read funny books, eat healthy food, love your family and take each day one day at a time. You can't make the time go faster or slower and someday all this will make sense. I personally will be curious as to why all this had to happen to us, but only mildly so. Life is such a roller coaster and really, we are all just so blessed to get the ride.
We love you & pray for you every day.
Thanks for keeping us updated so well.
Hugs for all 5 of you--
Brent & Buffy
Alisa and Josh-
I have thought a lot about you and your family and keep looking at your blog hoping for GREAT news. Your great people and your in my prayers always.
much love,
Shalise (veenendaal) Benjamin
we think about you often as well! I have always loved and admired you. We love you and you guys are always in our prayers. Hope to see you guys soon! It was good to see you the other day and give you a hug. We just have appreciated your friendship in our lives. Dont hesitate to ask for our help ever!
Alisa,
I've admired you from afar since I moved into the ward. You were such a great teacher in the Relief Society your lessons alway made me reflect and ponder more than usual. I also enjoyed your talk on the ym/yw trek. I recently heard about your cancer and gasped. I am sorry you have to go through this. Again, you made me reflect in my own life. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I would be more than happy to help you at any time of need. Our hearts go out to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Laura Winters
P.S. Steve's aunt has had this type of cancer 12 years ago and is still with us.
Thanks to Buffy for the reminder that we can't change time. I needed that.
I thought of you a lot during conference, too. We missed you guys at the little reunion in Boston. You would love Daija's place - old and charming. I hate waiting, too! Thanks for your beautiful blog.
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