Friday, September 21, 2007

Happyness

I know a blog (at least mine) in not suppose to take place of, or even be compared to a personal journal. But let type the last entry I had in mine before I found out that my mole was indeed melanoma.

May 13th.

"Its mothers day so Josh is putting the kids to bed for me and I've wanted to write in here for a long time. Yesterday Josh and I were talking to our neighbor Danny about our 'vision board' (refer to the Secret DVD) [its basically a cork board you take pictures of everything you want to obtain in life so you can make a goal to get it]. He asked whats on mine.
I guess everything I want is just right before me. The house is great, the fam is perfect. I just feel blessed to have everything I have. I really feel like I'm living the abundant life.
It's walks in the morning down to the river to watch my boys throw rocks and blow dandelion wishes, and laying in the hammock with all five of us talking about the ghost James and Sam swear they saw in our house.  It's cuddling with Luke before his nap and wishing he would stay little forever-thats what the abundant life is and I thank God for it all."


Today Josh has been calling the Dr. office non-stop. The nurse said it was in, but not dictated so she couldn't tell us what it said. They closed their office at 2:30 so I waited. Josh said he would call at 1:30. From 1:30 till two I was shaking. I was getting ready to photograph my cousins' wedding. I took my mascara off to start putting on my face again. I put my contacts in then stopped, staring. In the mirror I saw a beautiful woman. I can only attribute it to being so nervous all the blood was rushing to my face. I thought for the first time in my mommy life "I don't even need make up today." My hair (which hadn't been touched) was softly falling down my shoulders, perfectly parted.
And then Josh called. He sounded up beat, "So...I talked to the nurse, she told me the results.." "And?" "And she said that they took out three lymph nodes, and they were all positive." "Positive? For what?" (I honestly did not think I would hear those words) "Melanoma."
We cried together for a minute.
I ran to my neighbors to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Within an hour and a half my friends had packed our bags and my car.
I'm going to cash all the checks on my fridge. We are headed to California right now, until my appointment on Tuesday with the Dr. I really don't know what they do next. Maybe nothing, but I doubt it. I'm scared to death and I don't want to know any more.
If I'm going to go through denial, what better place than Disneyland?

15 comments:

Doc said...

We love you!

jennie said...

I've always agreed that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, especially when you are with your little family. Have a blast. I'm proud of you for going. I sent you a text message but I'm not sure if your phone accepts those or not. You know I love you from the bottom of my heart and that I'm praying my heart out for you. Go wish on the well by the castle and find the greasiest, sugariest (if that's a word) churro you can. I love love love you.

Jonners said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daija said...

We love you, too!

lou said...

Alisa, I love you a whole lot, and I'm sorry that this will be one more comment that you have to read, but I thought I'd state the obvious for once.

ronco said...

Today is the first day I've cried since before I married Bryanna, and it's probably the most I've ever cried (excepting my whiny phase when I was four). I love you so much, Alisa. It wasn't the news we wanted to hear, obviously, but I still feel like things are going to be all right.

Mike said...

Like Jon, I rarely get emotional. I just usually assume that bad situations will turn out good in the end, so I don't let them get me down. While I still have the faith that good will come from these hard times, I have to say that I have been deeply impacted by this. It hurts me too, Alisa. I love you. A lot. Thank you so much for the sensitive and touching manner you keep us informed. It makes us all better people.

mamabear said...

Now I'm thinking that if you had a dollar for every tear that was shed on yours and Joshua's behalf you guys would be a zazillionares. We love you both. I wish I could be there taking Luke on a puff roller coaster and hear "again, again" but with no a.

Dad said...

There have been tears in Chile too--from me. But also continued faith and prayers. I love you.

Sonja said...

I am stunned--I was so hopeful that the cancer was gone. I love you so much. I really do.

stigbuf said...

Alisa and Josh, I hope you feel the strength that will come of so many people caring about you, praying and fasting for you. This Sunday, many many of our family and friends will be fasting, I know things will be decided for you, and done for you with the inspiration of Heaven. We will all see miracles and great blessings in this. Though I am sad at the news, I am filled with hope. More love, Mom

Ashkii said...

Josh & Alisa,
We were on our way to the D.C. temple when we heard the news. It was a good place to be last night. I cried and prayed for a miracle for you. Then I came to the hotel and cried a lot more. We love you guys. Have a blast with those cute boys in Disneyland!

Ashkii said...

That was actually Brooke, not Ashkii. But he is in the temple this morning while I watch the kids. And I know he will be praying hard, too.

Camille said...

Thinking of you, Josh, and those adorable boys. I will keep you in my prayers.

Whatsatoomzaletson said...

I wish you guys could have heard your siblings talk about how much they love you when I called them Friday night. I really do. Just know I am one of them. Your name is in our Detroit temple and we love you like mad.