Monday, September 24, 2007

This part of my life is called.....Disneyland

Josh came home from work Friday and found my neighbors, the bishop, and his parents, loading up the car. "I'm so confused." "Josh, we are getting away. We are all packed, we are going to Disneyland." "What? Why?"
I was as confused as him. What else were we going to do? Didn't he understand I had to get to the happiest place on earth? Didn't he know this may be my last weekend of even feeling good for a long time? Couldn't he see that I needed to be as close to my kids as possible for the next few days? It just made so much sense.
To me.
But he got in anyway.

Our first night in St. George I cried myself to sleep, and for the first time in my life, woke up crying. Maybe I was crying in between, I cant be sure.
We left early and got to the park for lunch. First ride: 'Soaring.' In which I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe, and bawled like a baby "this is what its like..." "this is going to be me....soon...." Basically it takes you up in the clouds and all over California with amazing music in the background. Loved it. I love California anyway.
Spent most of the rest of the day in California adventures (which is new since Ive been there). The boys loved every ride, every song, every site, every minute.
You know how the day ended. With a dream to make it back.

Sunday we went to the Newport Beach Temple (grounds) for FHE. "Whats it going to be about?" James asked. "I bet you could guess." "Cancer?" "Yup." "Then I'm not listening." We sat down and James covered his ears.
Its been really hard to watch how James reacts to all this news. He wont hear it.
Josh talked (and cried) about the best day of my life. The day I was sealed to Josh. How because of that day we will always be just like we were right then...together.

A resolution was made in Cancun as a college student, where I fell in love with the ocean. I make it a point to get to the coast every year. I thought it would be Chile for 2007, but it was Newport Beach.
Im terrified of the ocean, its so foreign and unknown. Which makes it completely romantic. I guess its like death. Beautiful in its own way.
Sorry I keep bringing it up, but its kind of been on my mind.
California has the bonus of sunset over the sea. It just gave me so much strength to be there.

Today we got to Disneyland early. You have to go under a tunnel as you enter with a plaque that reads: "Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy."

Its been the perfect day. I felt the magic. I haven't cried a tear.

We are driving home right now. We made a Dr.s appointment for 9 in the am.

I'm not going to lie. I cant help but think the happiest place on earth isnt in Anehiem, but in Lehi.


momila said...

Alisa & Josh--
We want you to know that our prayers are with you and your family right now and through this whole time. Alisa--you stay strong, ok? Brent is on Interferon, it's not the end of the world, bad stuff, yeah, but you are tough and you can do it. God bless you all.
Love-- Brent & Buffy Epperson

jennie said...

I keep thinking that one of these times I'm not going to cry through every post you write.

I wanted to share the sweetest thing you ever said to me. We were at RICKS, I was crying over a boy who was SO not worth the tears, but you knew I was down and wanted to cheer me up. You dropped by my appt with a note that said, "Jenn, a girl like you should never have to cry." I have never forgotten how sweet and thoughtful you were that night. Now it's my turn to say it back to you.

Alisa, a girl like you should never have to cry. A girl like you should never have to hurt either. If I know anything about you, it's how strong-willed and stubborn you can be, so I know that you can get through this. You are the best friend a girl could have and I can't quit thinking about how much I love you.

So glad you had a blast in CA. xoxo

alisa said...

Buffy, thanks for your love. Im sorry to hear about Brent. If you have any tips for me, let me know. Lets talk sometime. Jennie, I love you more than you know. Ive been wanting to squeeze some of your happiness out and pour it into my veins.
And, I just read my entry again and it is kind of sad, and mostly just weird, I need to think positive.

Karlet said...

I just want to say that I now consider Lehi the happiest place on Earth as well. Good luck tomorrow! I love you!

alisa said...

time to edit the sentence 'I haven't cried a tear.' We just got home to a finished basement, a clean garage (who ever had that job SORRY), a fridge full of food, shelves full of flowers and the sweetest words ever written (I love my YW), a spotless room (that better have been Jana), and a cleaned up yard. I'm so in love with you all! But too tired to say it now.

Dad said...

Alisa, we wish we could have been there to help with it all, but we have been cheering from so far away. I love you.

Brooke said...

I am crying (again). I wish we were there to help, too. I just keep feeling like we should be there. Please let us know if we can do anything, or if James wants to talk to a cousin. We are praying for all of you.

Sonja said...

Alisa, I wish I could have helped with the house, too. I just want to be there to hug you. I miss you so much.

balega said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
balega said...

for those of you that have not known alisa for as long as i have, you may be alarmed at her frank talk of death. she has always been that way. she is a bit dramatic and from my perspective everything is going to be ok.

Jesse and Leah said...

We're keeping our fingers crossed... I agree that Lehi is the happiest place on earth!

ronco said...

I have to second Josh's statements about Alisa's fixation with death. I'll bet Jennie can remember being in the library at Ricks with Alisa handing out to random people notes that said, "Death to you," with a picture of the Guillotine on Wheels or a machete. Alisa would drop it on the table and casually say, "Your mom just called and asked me to give you this message."
I can imagine what would happen to someone who did that now. (Don't get any ideas, Kari. The FBI and most school administrators have lost their sense of humor.)
Of course, this was the same girl who would hear about someone with a cold and would ask me to come with her to drop off some soup for them.
To James: I plug my ears while I read this blog, too.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

I'm friends with desmama and forecast calls for rain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I also love the ocean. We have just recently moved to an hour from the Pacific Ocean and breathing its cool misty air makes me feel both small and big at the same time--like I'm such a tiny part of the universe, but if I could just spread my arms wide enough I could embrace the whole world.

When I was a college student I had an aunt with four young children (2 through 12) who died of colon cancer. I watched the kids for a weekend about four weeks before her death. They had no idea their mother was dying, only that she was sick. I, of course, couldn't say anything to them. I know they didn't say anything because they kept praying for a miracle--which happen all the time. Keep holding your FHEs. The covenants you and your hubby made in the temple will keep your family stronger than any of us can imagine, whatever the outcome.

I was the escort for the oldest daughter in that family when she took out her endowments some years after her mother's death. I KNOW her mother was there that day, blessing her daughter's choice. I cannot think the Lord will let any righteous mother miss out on a single thing.

Anyway, I've probably spoken out of turn since I don't know you at all, but we are all in this life together. Thanks for sharing such private thoughts in such a public place.

Whatsatoomzaletson said...

I'm glad you have so many peeps to take care of you. I wish like crazy I was there.

lou said...

That's so sad about James not listening when you bring up cancer. I guess I'm kind of like that too, but in a milder way. When I got home from school, mom was talking on the phone with someone about your cancer and I locked myself in the piano room and put my whole heart in "Leaves on the Seine". It must have been pretty loud, but even then I didn't escape completely.

Desmama said...

Alisa---I'm the person ScienceTeacherMommy referred to as DesMama, but I'm also known as Katie Child from your Wyview ward. Kim H. let me know of the situation. I let Rainie G. know, and she's blogging as ForecastCallsforRain. We've both been reading your blog (and trying not to sob our hearts out). Please know you've been in our prayers.

stigbuf said...

I can't wait to write up the stories of all the tender mercies that have been poured out on all of us. We will continue to see miracles. I for one am grateful for the miracle of Disneyland today!

jennie said...

RONCO-- how could I forget about Alisa's fascination with death. I just found a picture she drew for me while we were in Mexico that was entitled, "Death to the Allens". (I had no idea she wanted us all dead.) She also named our ginormous cockroach "SATAN". Satan lived in our shower drain and would stick his grossly long antennas out of the drain cover. I think he deserved his name!

mindy said...

Dearest Alisa & Josh,

You bet your ward family is tuning in. This last Sunday was the hardest Sunday to get through ever. With tear filled eyes, and emotion in every word, the Bishop pled with the ward to fast for you today. However, pleading was far from necessary. You have been in our thoughts, hearts and prayers from the moment we heard. Every face you looked at, was filled with concern and love for you. Alisa, you are such an amazing and fun loving person. You are strong enough to beat this thing, I know it. We all love you dearly and want to do all we can to help you and your family.
Much Love -- Hinckley's

Mary said...

For the first time ever, I am laughing hysterically while reading your blog. I third the statement of your bluntness about death. I believe, unfortunately, Mark & I only attributed to that. Those poor Rick's college students. . . They never saw us coming! Hope all is well. I LOVE YOU! Josh, we haven't forgotten about you - we think about you often and know of the struggles you face! XOXOXO

Heidi Berry said...


Please know we are thinking about you. It was so good to see you in July and you have such a beautiful family. You are in my prayers.

Much love-
Heidi and Phil Berry